We Hail You, Sah!

Dear Brother Arhin,

My main man Eugenius, you genius! I salute you Sah. Or should I call you Arrhenius, because you are a scientist, proper! Listen you should hold a masterclass on “how to launch your family into generational wealth in less than two terms” because I think those of us with political aspirations have a lot to learn from a master like you. We hail you! Listen, I am in awe of you. If you were a pastor I would never miss a day in church. I think I speak for a lot of the youth when I say I want to be like you when I grow up, or when I get government employment.

Let those who say that your properties are not a result of hard work be ashamed! Do they know the amount of effort it takes to effectively work for government? No, they do not! I mean, so what if you have all the perks in the world? Those perks cannot make up for the amount of time you spend helping the nation. As a matter of fact, they should even be applauding you. While people use their hard-earned portion of the government funds to buy fancy cars, you have spent it rectifying the housing deficit we are all experiencing in Accra. It doesn’t matter if most Ghanaians will be unable to afford your apartments. Let them consider it as motivation. In the words of the famous Ghanaian rapper Medikal, la hustle o!

Big boss. The only thing I’m not happy about is that you have failed us, your very loyal footsoldiers. How have you failed us? Well, whenever we asked you for “something small for the boys” we always assumed that it was because the National Cake was actually a cupcake, and so we were all chopping it small small. But you’ve shown us that you knew that it was a big cake, and you still let us ask for only something small. Well, now we are wise. We demand scholarships! Jobs! In fact, throw in a contract or two, as compensation for all our hard work on Facebook and Twitter.  

Apart from that, I know that all these allegations will tide over. Have no fear. Whatever government funds has put together, not even the Judiciary can put asunder. They can try, but they will fail. They have tried to drown you, but they didn’t know you are inflation: you will continue to rise and rise. They tried to shoot you, but they didn’t know you were Superman – our very own Man of Steal Steel. I know if you come online, it might look like we are hurt. But it is only because we wish we were you, chopping money left and right, like the way those galamsey people like chopping down trees. We dey for you, 100%.

All COVID-19 Protocols Observed,

Your Favourite Footsoldier