Do you know regret? Regret is when you wish something hadn’t happened after the fact. It makes you feel like if you had had more information about the consequences of an action, you would have gone out of your way to avoid it. It is a useless emotion and I don’t like to waste time on it.
Unlike Celeste. Celeste is a great girl. She’s my girlfriend. She’s funny and smart and by God I’ve never had a more interesting woman in my bed. But Celeste has a flaw, like all of us. She wallows in regret. Clings to it. If something bad happens Celeste will run at least a thousand scenarios about how it could have all been avoided. She’s doing the same thing right now.
We are on a highway I’ve never been on, with a car that is out of fuel. Stuck. We don’t know anyone around. In fact there’s no one around. We can’t call anyone because the cell phone reception here is as sketchy as a politician’s promise. It must be due to all the mountains around. Celeste is in the car fuming about how I should have noticed the fuel was low. How was I supposed to, when I had just found out the fuel gauge was broke?
Didn’t you notice the car had gotten lighter?
Fuck no, isn’t that what driving fast makes it seem like?
Why didn’t you just fill the tank completely before we left Accra?
Because the fuel in Accra is more expensive dammit. I’m trying to save.
Well look what your damn fiscal savvy has caused!
I retreat into a moody silence and open the boot of the car. I need a gallon. I look under the dead body, but there’s no gallon there. Just two damn shovels we could have gotten for less. The heat has started to work on the body and I can smell the beginnings of rot. We would have to dispose of it real soon before it stinks up my car.
There’s no gallon in the car, I tell her.
How is that my problem, she fumes. I laugh. How is the dead body in the boot my problem as well? It isn’t, but I’m still here. Man the fuck up.
She gets out of the car, irritated, and walks over to my side. I laugh at her. I hand her a shovel.
We can bury him over there, I say, pointing to some bushes not too far off from the road.
Yes, before someone comes to our aid and sees his body inside my car.
I shouldn’t have killed him, she begins.
Fuck. The regret thing is really starting to piss me off.