My last boss tell me sey I be the worst watchman e ever get for ein life inside. E tell me this thing as I dey lef the job. E no get chance fire me sef, ebi me wey lef am.
I be the worst watchman wey e ever see before? Me, Fuseini Abubakar Adamu? Mtch this man no know what e dey talk. I no be the worst watchman ein p3 e ever see. I be the worst in history. I start this kine job no be today. Almost ten years this. The first time I try be watchman ebi some Lebanese man wey hire me sey make I watch ein rice warehouse. I dey there only six months wey armed robbers come steal one whole truck full of rice. No be my fault, that day then I bed. I no even understand why them arrest me. Them no see watchman e dey sleep before?
I dey counter-back almost three weeks before them release me. The koti people no dey see how I fit dey among of the thieves. So, after the Lebanese man ein bribe all, the case come make foolish case. I dey unemployed for more than one year wey some woman hire me sey make I watch ein house. That job I do am nine months. One day she travel go South Africa wey armed robbers come raid the house. Them fire gun wey I run lef my post. I no fool. Ebi cutlass pɛ then I dey hold. My entire life I never see cutlass e dey fit fight gun. The armed robbers take ein jewellery, ein money, san steal ein car sef sekof she lef the car keys for house. Them be very professional armed robbers. Them take everything. The woman come see the house wey she get heart attack. Last time I see the house girl for market wey she tell me sey every day for house the woman dey curse me. I no know why she dey curse me, but at least I dey thank Allah sey she get the heart attack. Otherwise she go do like the Lebanese man wey them go jail me again.
I taya dey do watchman job wey I go join security company. So ridee my title change from watchman to security guard. Ebi promotion. I go training two days wey them post me go some rural bank for Prampram. That job I make lucky sey I only hold am for three months because Prampram far too much. I dey at post for the bank plus some policeman wey ein name be Cephas. I no know how the thieves dey watch the bank but one day Cephas no come job wey them come attack the bank. Them fire single warning shot wey the tellers all pack the money give them. Nobody wan die over small money. But the money no small. Then ebi hundred and ten million (GHS11,000.00).
The security company tell me sey them no fit keep me sekof I make them look bad. I ask them sey like what them want make I do? I no dey chest bullet. That day then I want vex for the office there but at least them give me some money for transpo. Them no dey like the Lebanese man.
I do walantu walasa for small time – like two years – before I try sey I go do watchman job again. Then e no easy but one day I see some advert for town wey I go the interview. The man dey like my matter wey e sey e go make I start the next day nor. That be the shortest time I ever do this job. I dey there for only two weeks.
The office be some political party demma campaign headquarters. I feel sey the job go be easy job but then ebi election time wey people dey come there waa. Dem dey come drop money for the campaign. People fit lef like hundred million (GHS10,000.00) for there. Every day the money them dey carry go bank? I never know sey people dey chop money like that.
I no dey there kyɛɛ sef wey one day armed robbers storm the place. Them carry almost two billion (GHS200,000.00) go. Them put the money all for Ghana-must-go bags about two inside. All this while then I dey stand there. My boss watch my face tell me sey I be the worst security man them ever see before! Why I no dey stop the thieves? I start laugh. I laugh tee wey I follow the armed robbers as them dey commot. Before we lef I tell my boss sey oh yes, I no dey force for watchman job inside. But if it come how them dey steal from my employers, that be where my lucky dey shine. That be where my talent dey.